I knew how I was going to write before I started typing, now it has slipped my mind, how I was going to write it, that is. I wish someone were awake for me to call and talk to. Earlier I thought of how it would be if my mom happened to call at that very moment (a very bad moment). Would I be able to put on my best telephone voice and pretend cheerful for her? Or would I be downright honest with what is really on my mind?
Today was fast and testimony Sunday at church. I got up and, among other things, told all the women in the room how very happy I had been lately. I had the opportunity to suffer from depression on and off during the years while I was in school. I have felt quite whole lately and truly blessed. I have had a good week and tried not to be annoyed with anything going on in the family and it has worked. I was excited that things have been going so well. Today we had to have a talk about how things should run around the house. Someone tried to rain on my positivity parade. It didn't work for a while. Then after the silent/avoidance treatment all day I couldn't take it anymore and spent most of the evening crying. At the moment I feel slightly better. Maybe it's the getting-it-out approach. The one who needs to talk about it is NOT a talker. I've asked to talk about it... "I just want to be alone..." is all I get. It hurts my feelings because then I'm sure I did something wrong. Allow the rain or put up the umbrella? I am sooooo torn by the choice right now. How long can I put up with it? How long should I put up with it?
