I hope my descendants aren't relying on me...

Isn't is obvious that I am terrible at journaling? I hope that the most important facts get written down and read and will be helpful someday. It seems however, that you're either going to get the highs or lows from me. The in between is probably going to slip through the cracks. Tonight I just need to write and since I think no one reads this (since my posts are so few and far between...) here is going to be my outlet. I think....

I knew how I was going to write before I started typing, now it has slipped my mind, how I was going to write it, that is. I wish someone were awake for me to call and talk to. Earlier I thought of how it would be if my mom happened to call at that very moment (a very bad moment). Would I be able to put on my best telephone voice and pretend cheerful for her? Or would I be downright honest with what is really on my mind?

Today was fast and testimony Sunday at church. I got up and, among other things, told all the women in the room how very happy I had been lately. I had the opportunity to suffer from depression on and off during the years while I was in school. I have felt quite whole lately and truly blessed. I have had a good week and tried not to be annoyed with anything going on in the family and it has worked. I was excited that things have been going so well. Today we had to have a talk about how things should run around the house. Someone tried to rain on my positivity parade. It didn't work for a while. Then after the silent/avoidance treatment all day I couldn't take it anymore and spent most of the evening crying. At the moment I feel slightly better. Maybe it's the getting-it-out approach. The one who needs to talk about it is NOT a talker. I've asked to talk about it... "I just want to be alone..." is all I get. It hurts my feelings because then I'm sure I did something wrong. Allow the rain or put up the umbrella? I am sooooo torn by the choice right now. How long can I put up with it? How long should I put up with it?